This Is Why I Hate Milk
by Megurine-Mockingbird
Summary: After accidentally drinking a glass of milk, Ed has a dream of him and everyone else playing Truth or Dare. A series of random characters, with random dares/truths.
1. Chapter 1: Pepper!

**A/N: It was a totally random idea. Do not judge me. I sometimes feel the need to just write random shit. :D So, here it is! This is a collection of, more or less, drabbles about a Truth or Dare game that Ed is dreaming about after drinking accidentally a glass of milk. It's made just for the fun of it, so... eh. **

**Notice! Everything is chosen randomly: the character that plays in each chapter, the dare/truth, (optional) the character that needs to do something... So, it is a surprise for me, too!**

**Have fun! Don't find sense in this thing!**

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**:xx- CHAPTER I -xx:**

**[ pepper! ]**

They all stared at the bottle. It was green, made of glass, and it stood in the middle of their circle. Their shadows flickered as the dim fire of some candles was the only source of light. Nobody dared to say a word or move whatsoever.

"So…" Winry said, rubbing her palms together, "Who's starting?"

Ed snorted, crossing his arms over his chest. "This is ridiculous," he grumbled and Winry frowned.

"Well, do you happen to have a better suggestion, then?" she spat out, "We need to have some fun, you know!"

"I know that!" Ed protested, "But why do we have to play this stupid game?!"

Winry gasped, "We always played it when we were little!"

Suddenly, a candle closer to Ed had its flame burst high above his head. He flinched quickly and threw himself against Al, who blinked innocently. Ed's eye twitched.

"Damn you, Colonel!" Ed yelled, "Are you trying to kill me?"

Mustang arranged his collar and loosened it tightly. He raised his brows and drew a mischievous smile on his face. "Not as of now, Fullmetal," he replied – more like a purr.

"I do suggest that we begin the game," Hawkeye interfered and her serious tone regarding a simple game made everyone frown, "Moreover, unless someone offers to start we could –"

"Ah, let's get this over with!" Envy fumed, "How do we play this thing? Do I get to see Pipsqueak squirm around in pain?"

"Hey!" Ed jumped, "What is your guys' problem?!"

"Oh, yes!" Armstrong sparkled from his spot, nearly smashing Olivier and Izumi. He was a large mountain which stuck out of the crowd, "Will we ask each other?"

"Oi!" the familiar voice started Ed, Al, Mustang and Izumi. Ed shot up to his feet, gasping.

"Truth!?" he breathed out, "What the hell?" He struggled to find the source of the voice but, apparently, it was only a voice floating in the air, coming apparently out of nowhere.

"What is the meaning of this?" Mustang inquired with a frown.

"Calm your heels, humans," Envy said and arched a brow, "He is here to offer to be the one asking questions and giving dares."

"What…?" Al mused, "How could we trust him?"

"Oh," Truth chuckled, "You forgot that I'm God. And I happen to know what other people want from you… But if you insist, I'll only put it all on a, let's say, wheel of fortune."

Ed was about to protest, but Envy snapped immediately, "Let's get it over it! Jeez, you don't know how to have fun to save your petty lives! I'll start, then just follow the line!" He took the bottle and was about to hurtle it when Greed stopped him, a smirk playing his lips.

"Hold on, keep it," he said and Envy blinked, "Let's just randomize our turns with this thing."

"Fine," Envy groaned, his eyes closing as he put the bottle back down, "Whatever. Tell me what you got, Truth."

"Hmm…" Truth's voice sounded like a melody, "Truth or Dare?"

"Hmph," Envy's lips stretched into a cunning smile, "Dare! Dare!" He cringed when a paper materialized in front of him. Grumbling, he snatched the note and read it.

**Lay down on your back and tilt you head back, so that your nose opens upward.**

**Select a random member of the group. This player takes the pepper shaker and shakes it 5 complete times over your nostrils.**

Envy frowned, "Say what?!" He peeked a closer look at the paper and narrowed his eyes when he heard Ed's snickers in the background. Envy huffed up at the nothingness, "This is ridiculous!"

"Sorry, mate," Truth echoed, "This is the human Truth or Dare."

"What, what?" Ed drew towards Envy, wiggling his brows, "Scared of pepper, are we?"

A vein snapped on Envy's forehead, his hands sticking to his hips, "What, Pipsqueak? Scared of growing in height, are we?"

Ed fumed, his fist clenching, "Goddamn you! Just pick someone already!"

Leaning his chin against his fist, Greed spun the bottle, bored. Everyone was eying it and different emotions crossed them as it started slowing down, nearing a stop.

And it stopped, pointing at Mei.

"Huh?!" Envy pursed his lips out, "That little rice ball?"

Mei jumped out, frowning, "Shut up! You're ugly! Now get on your back!"

Al arched his back and blinked, puzzled, "M-Mei-chan! What's with the offensive attitude?"

She started approaching him and he was simply confused. Eventually, he gave in with a snort and laid back, crossing his legs. "It's just pepper. However, it's something that you humans would whimper an entire day from."

Mei jumped on his stomach and suddenly he groaned, the others freezing briefly. He blinked, feeling a foreign object in his nose. She had just stuck the entire pepper shaker in there. He shot up, stretching his arms out in an attempt to grab her, but Mei had already jumped back, her cheeks puffed.

"What was that for?!" he hissed, forgetting for a moment about the shaker which he stuck out angrily, "I'm going to kill you for thi- ACHOO!"

"It was for the time when you tried to kill me!" Mei retorted.

"ACHOO!"

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**A/N: That was it! Who will receive a dare or truth next chapter? What will he or she choose? Dun, dun... Also, I'm taking dare/truth requests! Don't be shy.**

**Drop a review, if you want. :P**


	2. Chapter 2: D-D-Diva

**A/N: I had so much fun with this thing. It's been a while, but I've been in a much too serious mood to write this. Now it's up! Remember, this is very random, nothing is supposed to actually make sense, so yeah. Also, you would help greatly if you'd leave suggestions for truths and dares! You can also suggest what character you want to see do a dare or truth in the next chapter. Make your dream come true! x3  
**

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**:xx- CHAPTER II -xx:**

**[ d-d-diva ]**

There was a blizzard outside, both in the dream and Ed's life. He only drank one glass of milk and it would haunt him forever. What more horrible mistakes could there be? He twitched and turned around, standing next to the cold window, and eyed the group of people who was scattered on the floor.

"Alright," May chipped, clenching her fists at her chest. On top of the girl's head, Shao May copied her movements, "Who is next, then?"

"Oh," Envy hissed darkly, his place in the circle being as far away as possible from May, "I genuinely hope it's you, little rat." May's cheeks puffed, her bottom lip puckering out in a pout. Shao May was squirming around angrily from her head.

Envy snorted, a smirk stretching on his face, "And hopefully it will be a dare which includes you drowning in the pits of hell – "

"Enough, Envy…" Truth could be heard. Ed cringed lightly as he made his way towards the group. Grumbling he sat down, crossing his legs, and rested his cheek against his knuckles.

"You could try and be a bit more active, Ed…" Winry murmured, supported by Al who nodded a few times.

"Active," Ed repeated dryly.

"Active," a female voice said again.

Ed blinked. It was a dark red haired girl, with a silly expression on her face… she was sparkling.

"AH, GODDAMNIT!" Ed jumped back, drawing himself into a nearby wall, "One of Major Armstrong's sisters, again?!"

"Edward Elric!" Armstrong stood up, ripping his shirt, and immediately jumped in a pose, his moustache moving along his words, "This fair lady is not my sister, for nobody is fairer than my own!"

"Hey!" the stranger girl pouted.

Olivier frowned, "Nobody is especially more delicate than Strongine."

"Who the hell are you?" Ed interfered.

"Brother," Al frowned and nudged the other with his elbow, "That's rude."

"No," the girl held up her hands, "My name is Rosette. I'm the author of this fan fiction."

Everyone blinked.

"You are what?" Winry muttered, raising an eyebrow curiously.

Rosette grinned, waving a hand nonchalantly, "Never mind though, you are in a dream within a fan fiction and thus my slaves."

Ed wasn't even sure what to say. A dumb expression was written on his face. He simply raised a shaky finger and parted his lips slowly.

"I – "

"Let's play!" Rosette exclaimed and threw her arms up in unison, with Armstrong, drowning the room in pink and light blue sparkles.

"…I think she said 'slaves'," Ed commented towards Al.

"She definitely said 'slaves'."

Still rubbing at his nose from time to time, Envy twirled the glass bottle between his fingers and let it spin on the floor. When it gradually started slowing down, there could be felt the tension in the room. Everyone was completely amused when it stopped on…

…

…

…

Gluttony.

Everyone looked at the meatball, who had his finger dipped in his mouth and blinked, lost, around him. Suddenly getting scared of nothing, he turned to Lust and tugged down to her dress, panicked.

"Lust? What is this?" he whined out.

"Nothing, Gluttony. Truth will ask you something, so you just answer, okay?" Lust spoke smoothly.

"Gluttony, eh?" Truth muttered, rather displeased, "Truth or Dare?"

Gluttony let out a stupid chuckle and stretched out his arms, "Look, Lust, it's Truth – "

"Truth it is!" Envy barged in, slapping his palms together.

"Seriously, though?" Rosette murmured, sipping at her tea, "Do you expect this guy to be able to understand a question, let alone answer it?"

"Just ask him his name," Ed said and suddenly grinned, "That could put forward some difficulties as well, though."

"I know!" Rosette gasped, holding her hand up for a high-five with Ed, "L-O-L!"

Ed blinked, "Huh?"

Rosette rubbed her palm against her forehead and puckered her lips out, simply shaking her head, "NEVER MIND."

Truth could be heard chuckle before he spoke, "Tell me, Gluttony…"

**What is the worst part about being your gender?**

Gluttony pulled a face, "What gender?"

"Absolutely," Rosette nodded.

"No, no, no…" Greed jumped up to his feet and sighed, "Let's just pass this. Gluttony shouldn't be playing this game – "

"Then, Greed?" Truth mused in a sing-song voice, "What will you choose, Greed?"

"Me?" Greed's mouth hung open for a second, until he noticed the insistent eyes laid on him, "Hmph, give me a dare."

**Let another girl give you a full woman's make-up.**

"Ha-ha!" Envy immediately burst in a fit of chuckles and Greed was simply left wide eyed and dumbfounded.

"What?!" Greed raised his arms helplessly, his eyebrow twitching.

"Ouch," Ed grumbled and placed a palm over his mouth, in a sneaky manner.

"Oh, oh!" Rosette sat up, bouncing on the tips of her toes, "I'll do it! Please? I'll make you look pretty!"

The laughter only got more intense.

A red shade brushed Greed's cheeks. Blinking, he stammered and shot dark glares across the room, making sure it hit every person in the room, lastly ending up on Rosette. "No," he said firmly, "I don't want to look _pretty, _goddamnit."

Squaring her shoulders, Rosette puffed her cheeks, looking with reproof at Greed. "But, but…! It's better than having someone turn you into a clown!"

"Oh, God." Envy was dying because of his mental images.

"FINE." Greed huffed and snatched Rosette by her collar, dragging her towards another room as she held her fist up in a victorious manner, "But I'm not staying here."

"Oh, come on!" Ed stood up, disappointed, but the door slammed in his face.

_A few minutes later…_

"OH MY GOD."

"SHUT UP, ENVY!"

"You are totally such a diva, Gree-"

"I SAID SHUT UP, BEFORE I POKE YOUR EYE OUT WITH YOUR FINGER!"

Greed was boiling. Everyone had gathered around him, curiously trying to get a peek at his make-up. It was ridiculously normally done, with a subtle blush in his cheeks, some pink lip gloss, black eye liner, mascara and some dark green eye shadow. He refused to open his eyes. Or to move. Or to breathe, but he had to.

"Whoa~" May mused, astonished and Greed glared, "Your eyelashes are song!"

Rosette butted in, with glistening eyes, "I know! He never highlighted them! How could he?"

Greed opened his mouth to speak but was blinded by a flash.

"HEY." Greed hissed towards Ed, who had just apparently taken a photo, "Give that to me."

"No."

"Pipsqueak, now."

Ed fumed, "Pipsqueak?! At least I don't look like a drag queen!" Ed was confused for a second. What did he just say? What was a drag queen? How did he know about that? Rosette was chuckling darkly in a corner of the room.

"What are you going to do with it?" Greed suddenly grumbled, gripping the camera tightly.

"Spread it across train stations possibly?" Ed grinned.

"OH MY GOD."

Greed exploded, "Will you shut up already, Envy?!"

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**A/N: Eh? I will introduce my character and my friends' characters, from time to time, just to be there, the voice of our fandom... ^w^ Leave suggestions! I'll consider all of them! Review? 'Til the next dream!**


End file.
